My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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