I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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