When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
