Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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