So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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