You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no you cant smoke seaweed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
