You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
