Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
