I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
