I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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