turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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