There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
