FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
