let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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