I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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