Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
