Your tits are I can't wait for
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
