I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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