love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize