walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
