wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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