Your face is a jimmy john
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize