I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
