I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
