just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
