Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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