if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
