Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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