There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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