i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
