I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
