Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize