I just cut my nipple shaving
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize