nut hugger
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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