I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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