New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize