If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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