You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize