You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
