I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't turn off my feet"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
