He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
