we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
