Porn is love you can see.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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