I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
