picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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