dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize