I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
