My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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