Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
