Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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