Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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