At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
