if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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