So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm bleeding and have questions
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
