One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
