all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
