My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
