Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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