Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize