he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
