ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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