Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
