I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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