He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
