How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
