I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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