I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
