Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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