i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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