you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
