He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
