i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
