are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
