someone threw a dead crab at me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
